Pat Me Down the Middle

Recently, in an interview with CNN, John Pristole of the TSA said that "enhanced pat downs" are a must. Apparently, shocking news: "there are determined people, terrorists who are trying to kill not only Americans but innocent people around the world." Wow! So, what do we do? Do we pat down everyone we see? No, we utilize a state-of-the-art method, the "enhanced pat down." 


Its actually not that creative.

Travelers who set off metal detectors at airport security are asked to undergo extra screening. If they refuse to go through an enhanced visual device that shows the body through clothing, they are required to submit to the thorough pat-down in order to fly.

But here's the awesomeness: after last December's "underwear bomber" TSA workers have began to "pat down" the parts behind underwear. That's right: "private parts." And, obviously, being American (not European) we don't appreciate that...and people have "felt violated by the touching of private parts." Hey, so now that White people know how it feels to be wrongly touched...maybe the Republicans will get on board with the idea of how wrong it is to "touch" or "pat down" innocent people?
 
Wait, what? Republicans...? Are they for this? Hear this: Conservative Republican Congressman John Mica of Florida was/is actually opposed to the policy, saying ""I don't think the roll-out was good and the application is even worse." What the hell? If the rednecks (sorry, no offense) are opposed to such a "cruel and unusual" "pat down," then who the hell are we supposed to go after for enacting such bullshit measures? 
This woman: Janet Napolitano, a Democrat from the wonderful State of Arizona (again, sorry) and Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security (DHS), in a statement promoting increased security, said:

Following the thwarted terrorist plot last week to conceal and ship explosive devices on board aircraft bound for the U.S., the Administration took a number of immediate steps to increase security by tightening existing measures related to cargo bound for the United States.

So, she gave the TSA the "go-ahead" to push for more "security," but it still does not give them the authority to check "down there." Does it? Well, considering they're doing it, it must. But, who's behind the covers on this one? John "Bureaucrat" Pristole. Once again, "the appointed bastard steals the show." While our elected officials scream "Bloody Murder" no-good, pencil-sharping, folder-sorting Bureaucrats do whatever they please. For crying out loud, its an unpartisan movement against this crap. Wait, is it?

Well, we know Napolitano requested to up security and Mica wanted to stop patting down the middle. But who wants to pat down? Of course, no one's gonna say "I do" because the ones that do say "extra security" and the ones that don't say "underwear pat down." So, yes, there seems to be a unanimous agreement, a nonpartisan agreement, against sexy pat downs...but not un-"enhanced pat downs." So, who the hell's gonna stop the rogue TSA? Well, definitely not our elected officials.